Thursday, December 22, 2011
The Kissing Photo Collection...
I have a huge collection of pictures of me kissing people,
but these people are all people I love,
and consider to be my closest friends.
Nobody gave me herpies while taking these pictures.
(Licking is close to kissing!)
(Horrible lighting in this one)
I'll add more to this collection soon.
A Picture of a picture...
A recently rediscovered picture from 2006 that was supposed to be for my Real Estate business card.
I took a picture of this picture since I don't have a scanner...Notice my foot at the bottom...Classy!
I love the blank stare on my face in this picture...That was basically my mood from 2006-2009 (The Hell years!)
Thought on "Giving even when it hurts"...
If I give something,... anything, it's because I wanted too, and not because I want anything in return.
I know the world is full of trickery and deception, but I have no motives when it comes to sharing, and giving. I come from a place that may be very different then where most people came from, so, maybe it doesn't make sense to most people that I don't want anything in return.
I would like for people to think kindly of me, but not indebted to me, or feel obligated to return the gesture. I truly want nothing in return.
When I was 6 years old I lived in a car with my Mother, and her boyfriend...This lasted a year, but I remember one morning a kind lady knocked on the car window, and invited us into her house. She cooked us breakfast, let us shower, and gave my mother money for food and gas for the car. She brought us into her home, and gave us her compassion, and her time, and she didn't ask, nor expect anything in return.
I'll never know who that woman was...I wish I did because I would love to tell her how grateful I am to her, and how she made a huge impact on my life forever after.
In order to be a certain way in life you have to have those characteristics in you...a part of your DNA, a part of your soul...I've always been this way, and I always will. The woman that fed us only proved that kindness does exist, I have seen it!, and I know it's the right thing to do.
People will abuse kindness. People will think you're a push over, or "soft". People will say you're too "sensitive" or they will just take, and take everything they can get because you're giving it. People will pretend they care about you, and lie to you, and hurt your feelings, and take small pieces of your heart every time they do these things....People will think you aren't aware these things are happening, or act like you deserve it because you didn't have the back bone to stand up to them and say NO.
But, that's not the point...
What other people do as a result of kindness, or compassion, or caring, or any loving gesture you give is not important. It's very unimportant. It's irrelevant. and here is why...
I still did the right thing even if the person, or people don't treat me as such.
It's their soul/karma that will be their judge, and not me. I will always be true to myself regardless of how it's received because DOING THE RIGHT THING DOESN'T ALWAYS SEEM LIKE THE RIGHT THING, but it is.
People will disappoint you, they disappoint me, but I still follow my heart.
Also, some people don't know how to react to kindness, or consideration. Sometimes they act the only way they know how, and it may seem horrible, but it's what they have. It may plant the seed for change in their life, and it may take a long time, but it all matters.
Ultimately I am saying that I give because I want to give...It's from my heart, and I want nothing in return. People will use and abuse this giving, but no matter, I won't ever allow it to harden me, or change what I do. I know I am doing the right thing...
Knowing that I am doing the right thing is the only reward I'll ever need.
I know the world is full of trickery and deception, but I have no motives when it comes to sharing, and giving. I come from a place that may be very different then where most people came from, so, maybe it doesn't make sense to most people that I don't want anything in return.
I would like for people to think kindly of me, but not indebted to me, or feel obligated to return the gesture. I truly want nothing in return.
When I was 6 years old I lived in a car with my Mother, and her boyfriend...This lasted a year, but I remember one morning a kind lady knocked on the car window, and invited us into her house. She cooked us breakfast, let us shower, and gave my mother money for food and gas for the car. She brought us into her home, and gave us her compassion, and her time, and she didn't ask, nor expect anything in return.
I'll never know who that woman was...I wish I did because I would love to tell her how grateful I am to her, and how she made a huge impact on my life forever after.
In order to be a certain way in life you have to have those characteristics in you...a part of your DNA, a part of your soul...I've always been this way, and I always will. The woman that fed us only proved that kindness does exist, I have seen it!, and I know it's the right thing to do.
People will abuse kindness. People will think you're a push over, or "soft". People will say you're too "sensitive" or they will just take, and take everything they can get because you're giving it. People will pretend they care about you, and lie to you, and hurt your feelings, and take small pieces of your heart every time they do these things....People will think you aren't aware these things are happening, or act like you deserve it because you didn't have the back bone to stand up to them and say NO.
But, that's not the point...
What other people do as a result of kindness, or compassion, or caring, or any loving gesture you give is not important. It's very unimportant. It's irrelevant. and here is why...
I still did the right thing even if the person, or people don't treat me as such.
It's their soul/karma that will be their judge, and not me. I will always be true to myself regardless of how it's received because DOING THE RIGHT THING DOESN'T ALWAYS SEEM LIKE THE RIGHT THING, but it is.
People will disappoint you, they disappoint me, but I still follow my heart.
Also, some people don't know how to react to kindness, or consideration. Sometimes they act the only way they know how, and it may seem horrible, but it's what they have. It may plant the seed for change in their life, and it may take a long time, but it all matters.
Ultimately I am saying that I give because I want to give...It's from my heart, and I want nothing in return. People will use and abuse this giving, but no matter, I won't ever allow it to harden me, or change what I do. I know I am doing the right thing...
Knowing that I am doing the right thing is the only reward I'll ever need.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Do you want to change the world?
Growing up WWII and the Holocaust were never big topics in school or at home.
It wasn't until I read the "Diary Of Anne Frank" a few years ago that I learned some details about Nazi Germany, and the holocaust.
The beginning of 2010 I found myself searching for something that would make sense of life, and myself.
I came across some very general holocaust statistics, and they shook me to the core.
I had known the stats regarding 6 million "Jews" as it's always eloquently stated, but there were others, like the 14 million "non Jews" and the additional 30 million others who died during WWII.
The Holocaust of WWII wasn't the first case of genocide, the Armenian genocide of the late 1800's and the murder of 4000 Polish pow's by the Russian government in the early 1900's came first, but the scale of the WWII holocaust is beyond anything history has ever seen.
I have become obsessed with learning every detail about WWII, the holocaust, and genocide...I've watched over 300 Documentaries, read dozens of books, and countless articles searching for answers.
It really boils down to Racism, Nationalism,"Living space" and HATE. Religion has been used as reasons for many wars, but WWII was almost devoid of religion...There seemed to be a total absence of God, and religion during that time.
The Vatican was VERY MUCH Nazi sympathisers, and assisted in many war criminals resettlement after the end of the war. Italy, having been under the rule of fascism played the same dirty hand that Hitler did. Mussolini and his regime were guilty of many atrocities before and during WWII that history wants to forget. Mussolini was just as guilty as Hitler and Stalin no matter how anybody wants to look at it.
There was something in the air back in the early 1900's that everybody seemed to be infected by. I often wonder what I would have done had I lived during that time.
Today, we are all effected by what took place during WWII... It changed the world in such a large way, and so many people lost their lives, that it is impossible to imagine how the world would be today if it never happened. I can tell you, it would be VERY VERY different.
God was always there, even in the darkest times, but when you have so many horrible things happening, it's hard to see anything good.
Life is a stage, and a school for humanity, and we all want freedom, and individuality, but we also want God to appear anytime we find ourselves in trouble???
We can't have it both ways...
Learning about the Holocaust, and the bravery of the many people who fought for freedom, and liberation has changed me, and the way I think, and feel forever.
I am humbled, and more realistic about my life, and the world around me now.
There is so much that still needs to be done in this world to further unite people, and prevent anything like that from happening again...But also, we must ALL know the horrors that 50 million people faced, and never forget there suffering.
People, no matter their race, or nationality, sex, sexuality, or beliefs, are all equally important. This is ultimately the lesson we ALL NEED TO LEARN, and ACCEPT, if we don't, it will lead to our UN-doing.
If we have a repeat of WWII, it will be for these reasons, and that is why we all must change. We all must stop the hate, and discrimination at every point, and every turn. We have to be loud, and equally accepting of everybody without exception. This is the only way we can save the world.
Do you want to save the world? Do you want to change the world?
Start by knowing where you came from. Change starts with each and every one of us.
It wasn't until I read the "Diary Of Anne Frank" a few years ago that I learned some details about Nazi Germany, and the holocaust.
The beginning of 2010 I found myself searching for something that would make sense of life, and myself.
I came across some very general holocaust statistics, and they shook me to the core.
I had known the stats regarding 6 million "Jews" as it's always eloquently stated, but there were others, like the 14 million "non Jews" and the additional 30 million others who died during WWII.
The Holocaust of WWII wasn't the first case of genocide, the Armenian genocide of the late 1800's and the murder of 4000 Polish pow's by the Russian government in the early 1900's came first, but the scale of the WWII holocaust is beyond anything history has ever seen.
I have become obsessed with learning every detail about WWII, the holocaust, and genocide...I've watched over 300 Documentaries, read dozens of books, and countless articles searching for answers.
It really boils down to Racism, Nationalism,"Living space" and HATE. Religion has been used as reasons for many wars, but WWII was almost devoid of religion...There seemed to be a total absence of God, and religion during that time.
The Vatican was VERY MUCH Nazi sympathisers, and assisted in many war criminals resettlement after the end of the war. Italy, having been under the rule of fascism played the same dirty hand that Hitler did. Mussolini and his regime were guilty of many atrocities before and during WWII that history wants to forget. Mussolini was just as guilty as Hitler and Stalin no matter how anybody wants to look at it.
There was something in the air back in the early 1900's that everybody seemed to be infected by. I often wonder what I would have done had I lived during that time.
Today, we are all effected by what took place during WWII... It changed the world in such a large way, and so many people lost their lives, that it is impossible to imagine how the world would be today if it never happened. I can tell you, it would be VERY VERY different.
God was always there, even in the darkest times, but when you have so many horrible things happening, it's hard to see anything good.
Life is a stage, and a school for humanity, and we all want freedom, and individuality, but we also want God to appear anytime we find ourselves in trouble???
We can't have it both ways...
Learning about the Holocaust, and the bravery of the many people who fought for freedom, and liberation has changed me, and the way I think, and feel forever.
I am humbled, and more realistic about my life, and the world around me now.
There is so much that still needs to be done in this world to further unite people, and prevent anything like that from happening again...But also, we must ALL know the horrors that 50 million people faced, and never forget there suffering.
People, no matter their race, or nationality, sex, sexuality, or beliefs, are all equally important. This is ultimately the lesson we ALL NEED TO LEARN, and ACCEPT, if we don't, it will lead to our UN-doing.
If we have a repeat of WWII, it will be for these reasons, and that is why we all must change. We all must stop the hate, and discrimination at every point, and every turn. We have to be loud, and equally accepting of everybody without exception. This is the only way we can save the world.
Do you want to save the world? Do you want to change the world?
Start by knowing where you came from. Change starts with each and every one of us.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Here to discover
We as human beings have come to believe many things as fact.
Truth is, most are just illusions...
Time doesn't exist, we only have a perpetually moving expansion and/or contraction of the universe
If you ever want to really discover how real something is, try holding onto it...it will eventually disappear into the vastness it came from.
everything that you see, or have ever seen, will eventually biodegrade back into the earth, or universe...Nothing is made to last forever.
The human ego will/does argue it's importance to death, and it is it's biological imperative to self preserve, but reality is reality.
We are here for a reason...What reason? You decide, but I implore you to never get so set into your own importance that you fail to see the ultimate purpose.
What is the purpose? That's what you're here to discover!
Truth is, most are just illusions...
Time doesn't exist, we only have a perpetually moving expansion and/or contraction of the universe
If you ever want to really discover how real something is, try holding onto it...it will eventually disappear into the vastness it came from.
everything that you see, or have ever seen, will eventually biodegrade back into the earth, or universe...Nothing is made to last forever.
The human ego will/does argue it's importance to death, and it is it's biological imperative to self preserve, but reality is reality.
We are here for a reason...What reason? You decide, but I implore you to never get so set into your own importance that you fail to see the ultimate purpose.
What is the purpose? That's what you're here to discover!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Self Discovery - Part 1: Now I know why.
I’m a very curious person. It has always been my true nature to ask lots of questions.
I’m also very intuitive, I've always been able to sense things, sometimes before they happen.
I have never considered myself to be more or less intelligent than anybody else, but I have always been aware that my thinking is dramatically different than most, as a result, I’ve faced many challenges and conflicts throughout my life.
Recently I decided it was time to find answers to the many issues I face in my day to day life. Through a friend, I was refereed for testing at a local center. My IQ, in addition to Skill, and mental health testing/assessments was conducted.
I always thought there was something wrong with me, and I’m sure many other people did too, so this testing was finally going to diagnose my disorder(s), but instead I learned that I’m perfectly healthy, and the challenges I face/faced are common for my level of intelligence.
After internalizing this new awareness of myself I became depressed. If I had ADD I would be able to take a pill to manage it, and if I suffered PTSD I could go to therapy and work through the issues…my new diagnosis doesn’t afford me those luxuries, so instead I need to develop a new set of skills to better integrate into daily life.
Growing up, The public school system I attended was not equipped to deal with gifted children. I was skipped 2 grades (Nobody explained why) , and was separated from my peers. The older kids in my new grade rejected me from day 1, and school became a nightmare.
My mother’s side of the family didn’t share my intelligence or ability to identify and nurture my development.
My mother and father divorced when I was 3 years old, so I know nothing about my father’s side of the family…I only know that my father has several degrees, and was said to be highly intelligent.
I tried developing a relationship with my father several times, I knew he could give me answers and validation, but I failed to ever connect with him in any real way.
He suffered PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) after serving in the Vietnam War, and was said to be heavily into drugs (recreational) ever since. It was all so impossible!
The few opportunities I did have to connect with him were very disappointing.
He became a born again Christian, and preached about God and the bible non-stop. I always thought he was insane.
I was left to figure this all out for myself.
Now that I finally have the answers I can begin to grow, and evolve my talents in the proper way.
I must start over, and learn things the right way.
I suck at math, my English and grammar need to be refined, and areas of study that I had little or no interest in need to be revisited. I learn things very quickly, so I know it will be relatively easy to accomplish.
I need to work on my social skills. It’s always been very difficult interacting with people that don’t share my ability. I have a larger then average vocabulary so I have to be conscious of what I am saying in everyday conversation as to not confuse, or alienate people.
This is a common problem people like me face, and it’s one of the biggest reasons we become withdrawn from everyday interactions, and activities.
We usually become stigmatized, and labeled socially awkward.
I find myself stuttering during conversations, and only recently have discovered why…
When I speak, my brain is modifying my vocabulary to what it thinks the other person is capable of understanding.
This explains why I may appear confused, delayed, or otherwise inhibited during some of my interactions.
My first goal is to slow down my rate of speech, and be more mindful of my speech.
I don’t have all the answers, and I never will. I make mistakes like everybody else.
I often fail to see simple things when my mind is looking at the more intrinsic details.
I don’t see things as black or white, rather I see black, white, and multiple shades of grey. This makes answering simple questions difficult.
I’m a perfectionist, so meeting deadlines is very challenging, and often impossible.
By nature, I am always in direct conflict with Left Brained thinkers.
I have to accept boredom as a fact of life.
I have to forgive my family and educators for not recognizing my attributes, and do my best to repair the damaged it has done.
I have to accept that not everybody will understand my thinking, ideas, thoughts, logic, and approach.
I have to accept that some will never understand me at all.
How could anybody understand when they don’t share the same ability?
Life is a gift. I’m grateful for my existence.
I may not like how things have turned out, but I’m happy to finally understand why.
I did lose valuable time, but better late than never!
The following links offer additional information:
http://talentdevelop.com/character.html
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/why-intelligent-people-tend-to-be-unhappy/
I’m also very intuitive, I've always been able to sense things, sometimes before they happen.
I have never considered myself to be more or less intelligent than anybody else, but I have always been aware that my thinking is dramatically different than most, as a result, I’ve faced many challenges and conflicts throughout my life.
Recently I decided it was time to find answers to the many issues I face in my day to day life. Through a friend, I was refereed for testing at a local center. My IQ, in addition to Skill, and mental health testing/assessments was conducted.
I always thought there was something wrong with me, and I’m sure many other people did too, so this testing was finally going to diagnose my disorder(s), but instead I learned that I’m perfectly healthy, and the challenges I face/faced are common for my level of intelligence.
After internalizing this new awareness of myself I became depressed. If I had ADD I would be able to take a pill to manage it, and if I suffered PTSD I could go to therapy and work through the issues…my new diagnosis doesn’t afford me those luxuries, so instead I need to develop a new set of skills to better integrate into daily life.
Growing up, The public school system I attended was not equipped to deal with gifted children. I was skipped 2 grades (Nobody explained why) , and was separated from my peers. The older kids in my new grade rejected me from day 1, and school became a nightmare.
My mother’s side of the family didn’t share my intelligence or ability to identify and nurture my development.
My mother and father divorced when I was 3 years old, so I know nothing about my father’s side of the family…I only know that my father has several degrees, and was said to be highly intelligent.
I tried developing a relationship with my father several times, I knew he could give me answers and validation, but I failed to ever connect with him in any real way.
He suffered PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) after serving in the Vietnam War, and was said to be heavily into drugs (recreational) ever since. It was all so impossible!
The few opportunities I did have to connect with him were very disappointing.
He became a born again Christian, and preached about God and the bible non-stop. I always thought he was insane.
I was left to figure this all out for myself.
Now that I finally have the answers I can begin to grow, and evolve my talents in the proper way.
I must start over, and learn things the right way.
I suck at math, my English and grammar need to be refined, and areas of study that I had little or no interest in need to be revisited. I learn things very quickly, so I know it will be relatively easy to accomplish.
I need to work on my social skills. It’s always been very difficult interacting with people that don’t share my ability. I have a larger then average vocabulary so I have to be conscious of what I am saying in everyday conversation as to not confuse, or alienate people.
This is a common problem people like me face, and it’s one of the biggest reasons we become withdrawn from everyday interactions, and activities.
We usually become stigmatized, and labeled socially awkward.
I find myself stuttering during conversations, and only recently have discovered why…
When I speak, my brain is modifying my vocabulary to what it thinks the other person is capable of understanding.
This explains why I may appear confused, delayed, or otherwise inhibited during some of my interactions.
My first goal is to slow down my rate of speech, and be more mindful of my speech.
I don’t have all the answers, and I never will. I make mistakes like everybody else.
I often fail to see simple things when my mind is looking at the more intrinsic details.
I don’t see things as black or white, rather I see black, white, and multiple shades of grey. This makes answering simple questions difficult.
I’m a perfectionist, so meeting deadlines is very challenging, and often impossible.
By nature, I am always in direct conflict with Left Brained thinkers.
I have to accept boredom as a fact of life.
I have to forgive my family and educators for not recognizing my attributes, and do my best to repair the damaged it has done.
I have to accept that not everybody will understand my thinking, ideas, thoughts, logic, and approach.
I have to accept that some will never understand me at all.
How could anybody understand when they don’t share the same ability?
Life is a gift. I’m grateful for my existence.
I may not like how things have turned out, but I’m happy to finally understand why.
I did lose valuable time, but better late than never!
The following links offer additional information:
http://talentdevelop.com/character.html
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/why-intelligent-people-tend-to-be-unhappy/
Monday, August 22, 2011
Myth - By Jeffrey Beaver
Myth
It isn't the things that I say, or that I try to say
I, Myself, am unable to fully
articulate the deep meaning I desperately try to convey.
Useless are so many words trying to chase a concept,an idea
I've been awakened but reality seems incapable of understanding
my journey here.
I've seen things that brought great feeling, emotion. Indescribable.
The perpetuation of my own great myth.
The mystery we all reside under is the answer to all things unexplained....
It dies when we forget to dream.
I want to rest in peace there for Eternity.
(c) 2011
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