I’m a very curious person. It has always been my true nature to ask lots of questions.
I’m also very intuitive, I've always been able to sense things, sometimes before they happen.
I have never considered myself to be more or less intelligent than anybody else, but I have always been aware that my thinking is dramatically different than most, as a result, I’ve faced many challenges and conflicts throughout my life.
Recently I decided it was time to find answers to the many issues I face in my day to day life. Through a friend, I was refereed for testing at a local center. My IQ, in addition to Skill, and mental health testing/assessments was conducted.
I always thought there was something wrong with me, and I’m sure many other people did too, so this testing was finally going to diagnose my disorder(s), but instead I learned that I’m perfectly healthy, and the challenges I face/faced are common for my level of intelligence.
After internalizing this new awareness of myself I became depressed. If I had ADD I would be able to take a pill to manage it, and if I suffered PTSD I could go to therapy and work through the issues…my new diagnosis doesn’t afford me those luxuries, so instead I need to develop a new set of skills to better integrate into daily life.
Growing up, The public school system I attended was not equipped to deal with gifted children. I was skipped 2 grades (Nobody explained why) , and was separated from my peers. The older kids in my new grade rejected me from day 1, and school became a nightmare.
My mother’s side of the family didn’t share my intelligence or ability to identify and nurture my development.
My mother and father divorced when I was 3 years old, so I know nothing about my father’s side of the family…I only know that my father has several degrees, and was said to be highly intelligent.
I tried developing a relationship with my father several times, I knew he could give me answers and validation, but I failed to ever connect with him in any real way.
He suffered PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) after serving in the Vietnam War, and was said to be heavily into drugs (recreational) ever since. It was all so impossible!
The few opportunities I did have to connect with him were very disappointing.
He became a born again Christian, and preached about God and the bible non-stop. I always thought he was insane.
I was left to figure this all out for myself.
Now that I finally have the answers I can begin to grow, and evolve my talents in the proper way.
I must start over, and learn things the right way.
I suck at math, my English and grammar need to be refined, and areas of study that I had little or no interest in need to be revisited. I learn things very quickly, so I know it will be relatively easy to accomplish.
I need to work on my social skills. It’s always been very difficult interacting with people that don’t share my ability. I have a larger then average vocabulary so I have to be conscious of what I am saying in everyday conversation as to not confuse, or alienate people.
This is a common problem people like me face, and it’s one of the biggest reasons we become withdrawn from everyday interactions, and activities.
We usually become stigmatized, and labeled socially awkward.
I find myself stuttering during conversations, and only recently have discovered why…
When I speak, my brain is modifying my vocabulary to what it thinks the other person is capable of understanding.
This explains why I may appear confused, delayed, or otherwise inhibited during some of my interactions.
My first goal is to slow down my rate of speech, and be more mindful of my speech.
I don’t have all the answers, and I never will. I make mistakes like everybody else.
I often fail to see simple things when my mind is looking at the more intrinsic details.
I don’t see things as black or white, rather I see black, white, and multiple shades of grey. This makes answering simple questions difficult.
I’m a perfectionist, so meeting deadlines is very challenging, and often impossible.
By nature, I am always in direct conflict with Left Brained thinkers.
I have to accept boredom as a fact of life.
I have to forgive my family and educators for not recognizing my attributes, and do my best to repair the damaged it has done.
I have to accept that not everybody will understand my thinking, ideas, thoughts, logic, and approach.
I have to accept that some will never understand me at all.
How could anybody understand when they don’t share the same ability?
Life is a gift. I’m grateful for my existence.
I may not like how things have turned out, but I’m happy to finally understand why.
I did lose valuable time, but better late than never!
The following links offer additional information:
http://talentdevelop.com/character.html
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/why-intelligent-people-tend-to-be-unhappy/
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